Last week's writing task was to use dialogue in a story. It's very easy to over use speech in a narrative, so we watched a video of a story of 2 octopi, that had no speaking and the children's task was to tell the story in their own words, using a small amount of dialogue in certain places. We wrote the first 2 sentences together. Below is Luke's retelling of the story. Luke's strength as a writer is his understanding of how to write well constructed sentences that vary in length, using connectives. He is also able to use punctuation really well and has understood how to use speech marks. Well done Luke! The second story is by Chelsea. What makes Chelsea's writing so good is that it is jam-packed with Wow words. She also tries to start her sentences in different ways. Just like Luke, Cheslea has also understood about how to use dialogue and punctuate it correctly. Great job Chelsea!
“Our life in the fish tank is nice, “ said Jack.
“Yes it is,” said Jill
Suddenly a big yellow claw plunged into the crystal clear water and grabbed Jill out of the fish tank.
“You bring her back here right now Mister!” Shouted Jack.
Jack climbed out of the fish tank and ran after the truck that Jill was in.
Next, Jack jumped up on the trucks side, then climbed to the window.
“Where is Jill you ugly man!” Shouted Jack.
Then the man screamed and tried to punch Jack but the man’s arm slipped, the truck went out of control and Jack slipped onto the front window.
Then Jill climbed out of the box she was being held captive in and pulled the handbreak and the truck suddenly stopped.
Then Jill and Jack fell out of the truck and both hit a stone wall. Jack ran over to Jill and then the man shouted at them, “Hey you come back here you slimy food!”
Jack and Jill jumped down into the pool below them and swam over to the side, then kept on jumping down through all the pools. Then they hit an umbrella and went flying over the road, then the man and climbed a bit out of the speeding truck and caught them both. “Now I’ve got you little squids!” said the man but suddenly the truck went down a big staircase and the man screamed.
The man started hitting the two octopi onto the truck’s roof then they started squirting ink so the man let go of them and they hit a powerline. But the man had no idea where he was going, then drove into the ocean!
But Jack and Jill survived the crash and stayed on the powerline.
“Our adventure today was indeed fun and freaky,” said Jack.
“Yes it was,” replied Jill.
Then they lived happily ever after.
By Luke
Jack said to Jill, “I am so glad that we found one another.” Happily Jill said to Jack, “You are as sweet as my cheeks:”
Suddenly a skinny mean man took berry Jill. Frantically Jack watched poor Jill be put in a cooler ready to be chopped, sliced and eaten, never to be seen again!
“Oh no my berry Jill is being taken by an EVIL MAN in his van!” bubbled Jack, “Shoot!”
Jack climbed up and down the new flash fishtank and he used his sucker cups to find a way to save his berry Jill! So he chased the octopus van to save his girlfriend.
So he clung onto the van and got hit by the man. Then he opened the cooler and his Jill’s head popped out and the man saw him and lost control of the van.
“Let me save my Jill!” shouted Jack angrily and worriedly.
Suddenly Jill pulled the handbrake and the ugly brute slammed his face on the clear window and it looked like he was driving with his face.
Jack and Jill plunked plop on the concrete wall, alive and okay.
“Come back here you slimy sea creatures!” Shouted the ugly brute angrily.
BOING! Jack and Jill swan in the pool and then jumped up and fown into another pool while the man was chasing them. BOING! They jumped high near the man so he grabbed then with joy.
“Noooo! You let go of my Jill and eat me instead!” Confidently Jack said.
“How about I eat both of you?” said the man.
Falling down the stairs and not steering at all, when they were near a house they squirted the man with ink. Suddenly the man got back into the steering position but he was too late. He was already flying off the edge and ended up in the water!
“Phew! I’m glad we squirted ink in the man’s face, “ said Jack relieved.
“Jack I’m really happy that you would sacrifice your life for me,” said Jill pleased.
Suddenly Jack got stolen by a bird and taken away. Jill got angry so she flung like a slingshot to save Jack!
By Chelsea
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